Well, except for indulging in the rest of the toffee we had left over from Christmas, I have stuck to my plan very well this week. I had some moments of temptation but basically just pushed through.
I was feeling extra hungry before lunch this afternoon, and since it’s Friday, some of the old thinking started to flood my brain. I started thinking of all the ways we could entertain ourselves with food tonight.
But then I looked down at the pants I was wearing. To be brutally honest, I have basically one pair of pants that still fit me comfortably and are reasonably presentable, but even those are not comfortable enough for lounging. Whenever I’m home, I immediately change into a pair of what are actually men’s fleece pajama pants. I was wearing the man pants when the Fatgirl thinking began, and I didn’t even have to try very hard to remember why I want to stick with my plan. The fact is, I’m not happy with what I’ve allowed myself to become with the continual over-indulgences. Using food for entertainment is at the source of my weight gain. I refuse to go out and buy new pants in a larger size, so I have no choice but to stay the course.
I texted my husband and told him I was struggling…and could he please not even mention eating out tonight, as I would totally cave in a heartbeat. As I’ve mentioned, he’s trying to lose weight himself, so he was supportive.
I forced myself to prepare all the salad ingredients I’d bought earlier in the week. I cleaned and chopped romaine lettuce, orange peppers, purple cabbage, and tomatoes. I assembled a very tasty salad which took the edge off my hunger.
Then I proceeded to stick with the Jenny Craig-style plan.
This is the way it has to be for me to get motivated and get rolling with weight loss. I know a lot of people think my approach is too restrictive and unsustainable, but unless I see results and really start to feel satisfied with forced (through Lean Cuisine servings) smaller portions, I can’t stick with a weight loss plan. I have tried MANY other things, and nothing but what I’m currently doing works. I have gone the route of making “healthy, low-calorie” family-style recipes, but even then, I will eat way too much of what I fix and see no weight loss whatsoever. If I go for two or three weeks and see no results, all that effort seems pointless. It’s simpler to just eat what I want rather than try so hard for basically nothing.
The Jenny Craig pre-packaged food approach is the one that works for me. I have to put myself in this mindset where there is ABSOLUTELY NO using food for entertainment…where I’m not pushing to eat only what tastes good but instead just stick with structure and imposed limits. The funny thing is, after maybe 8 or 10 days of this, my rampant appetite does calm down. I get used to smaller portions, and I become oddly detached from my usual dependence on food.
I’ve said before several times, I do feel like I engage in disordered eating. It has been a pattern throughout my life, the reason why while I’ve never been “fat” as in noticeably overweight or officially plus-size, I’ve also hovered in a range where I don’t feel good in my clothes. The plain truth is that I’ve had longstanding habits of eating WAY too much and viewing unlimited amounts of tasty food as my right and a main source of amusement, something to entertain me and alleviate boredom.
Getting to the place where I detach a little from food is necessary to start me on the path of success. It’s been working. I have lost 6 pounds since starting two weeks ago. I haven’t gotten that true “lean, mean” feeling yet that really starts to be motivating, but I feel close.
Yesterday I got caught up in cleaning and ended up not even thinking about lunch until about 2:30. By the time I had made a large plate of vegetables, it was 3:30. Instead of having a Slimfast, I decided to just hold off until dinner. I know skipping meals isn’t a good idea, but it was just what happened yesterday.
Here’s how yesterday went: Slimfast (190); banana (70); veggie plate of 2 cups steamed broccoli, 1 cup steamed cauliflower, 1 tomato, and a teaspoon of ranch dressing (150); Lean Cuisine (390); milk (120); toffee left from Christmas (400) (I kind of let myself just go to town to “get rid of it”). Total: 1,320.
Here’s today’s food tally: Special K Nourish hot cereal (190); banana (70); steamed mixed vegetables with a teaspoon of butter (170); Slimfast shake (190); large salad with romaine, purple cabbage, orange peppers, tomato, and sliced black olives, tossed with 2 tablespoons reduced fat Italian dressing (200); Lean Cuisine Parmesan Crusted Fish (290); milk (90); orange (70); 1 stick jalapeno string cheese (70). Total: 1,340.