About Fitgirl

I’m fast approaching middle age, and I’m fat.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not morbidly obese.  But I would feel so much better if I lost about 30 pounds.  On my frame (I’m a very tall girl, six feet in my socks), 30 pounds is probably a bit more spread out than it is on a petite little thing.  But it’s enough to make the difference between a size 16 and a size 10.  It’s enough weight, actually, to make a huge difference in how I feel about myself.

I’ve started (and failed) so many Monday morning attempts to make changes that I really didn’t know what to do any more.  When I thought about starting another “effort,” I felt quite cynical about it before I even began.  What would make this time any different than the last 10 or 20 attempts?  What was I missing?

I decided my biggest problem has always been what I think of as my inner “Crazed Addict.” 

No, I am not nuts. 

But I do have what almost feels like another person living in my thoughts when I try to diet. 

While Fitgirl would love nothing better than to make good choices and control the amount of food she eats, Crazed Addict Fatgirl shows up at these crucial moments of decision and seems to commandeer Fitgirl’s brain.  Crazed Addict Fatgirl calmly shrugs off Fitgirl’s resolve and even laughs at her.  Then she makes what feel at the moment like reasonable, rational statements.  Fatgirl will say, “It doesn’t matter.  This choice doesn’t matter.  You’re not that fat anyway.  You can start tomorrow.  Right now, it’s more important to have this particular food.”

And Fitgirl forgets her resolve.  She listens to Crazed Addict Fatgirl.  In fact at that moment, Fitgirl simply morphs completely into Crazed Addict Fatgirl.  She’s willing to forget all the promises she made to herself.  She really truly at that moment does not think that she cares about fitness.

Or, Fatgirl consoles Fitgirl and soothes her with reminders of how hard Fitgirl had exercised that morning.  Since Fitgirl ran 2 miles, surely she’s “earned” the right to a “normal” lunch at Chick-Fil-A (which of course must include “value-sized” fries and twelve nuggets or an original sandwich slathered with mayonaise).

Fitgirl knows all about how to make healthy food choices.  She knows about the food pyramid - good fats and bad fats, good carbs and bad carbs, proteins, fats – you name it.  She knows about portion control.  Fitgirl knows, for instance, that a 4-ounce portion of meat is approximately the size of a deck of cards.  A serving of rice should be about the size of a tennis ball.  One ounce of cheese is the size of a marble.

Fitgirl would do fine if she could just grow strong enough in her thoughts so that Crazed Addict Fatgirl cannot make her forget her resolve.

So that’s what this site is about – this is Fitgirl’s attempt to create a monument to her resolve, to make Crazed Addict Fatgirl lose her power.  Perhaps if the whole world could read about Fitgirl, and perhaps if Fitgirl has some sort of public record of what she truly wants to do for herself, Crazed Addict Fatgirl’s voice will become just a faint whisper…a mere memory.