No, 0.2 pounds is not a significant drop.
But considering how Crazed Addict Fatgirl came back with a vengeance yesterday and took possession of my thoughts, it’s amazing that I didn’t see a major gain.
I thought blogging about my struggles would be a deterrent, but it wasn’t. At least not yesterday.
I wasn’t feeling well. I’d woken up with a migraine early yesterday morning, and after the migraine medication did its thing, I was left sort of drained and slightly nauseated. I didn’t feel at all like working out, so I didn’t. And then as the morning wore on, the thought of my usual snacks of fruit and veggies and my usual lunch of a Slim-Fast and veggies just seemed disgusting. All I wanted was a big roast beef sandwich from Jimmy Johns and a bunch of glasses of Diet Coke.
(Honestly – I don’t know what it is, but when I get through a migraine like that, bread and Diet Coke truly seem to have a soothing effect. That’s my excuse.)
So, that’s precisely what I did, even as Fitgirl whispered into my ear that this might not be a good idea and I might regret it. Crazed Addict Fatgirl could think only of making my stomach feel better. I proceeded to eat a gigantic sandwich and have my Diet Coke.
Then, since I’d already “thrown in the towel,” I threw off all restraints and had a milkshake at McDonald’s later in the afternoon. Oh, I had an excuse for that, too. I was still feeling kind of bad, and the ice cream sounded good. We had a long afternoon ahead of us (daughter had a volleyball game at a school WAY across town, we were facing sitting through the game and then battling rush hour traffic to get home). I was almost immediately sorry about the milkshake, as McDonald’s has totally changed their milkshakes and now they are gross. Totally not worth the calories. I didn’t even finish the thing! What was McDonald’s thinking, anyway? That a clear plastic Starbucks-style cup will somehow magically make a tiny portion and way too much chocolate flavoring seem better than it actually is?
My hunger never seemed to go away yesterday. When we got home from the game and then turned around to dash off to go to Wednesday night church, I ended up having a Chick-Fil-A combo meal, complete with French fries. I didn’t “Value Size” it, but still. Crazy.
Indeed – Crazed Addict Fatgirl.
I was like a person possessed.
I did end up regretting all these bad choices last night, as I pondered the concept of my failure while lying in bed, getting ready to go to sleep. Sigh.
I honestly think there is something that happens on around the third day of any dieting attempt (if it’s been awhile since I practiced portion control) that makes me feel physically ill. It’s like something is happening in my stomach to make me crave carbs and no limits.
But today is another day. I plan on going out for a run in a few minutes, and I actually have an odd hopefulness as I think about making better choices today. I know I’m sort of starting over, back at Square 1, in terms of pushing beyond either the nausea or extreme hunger that comes after a couple of days. I regret not pushing through those feelings yesterday.
But I know I can still get a grip. I’m only ten or so pounds away from where I used to be, when my good clothes still fit me. I can recapture the groove, the momentum.
The strange thing is, despite the addictive behavior of yesterday, the fact that I’m writing about it now – confessing it! – is part of the momentum for me. I’m not just ditching this whole thing. I’m still pressing on.
I think I’m going to pretend that yesterday didn’t happen. How about that? And when it feels in a couple of days that I might fall off the wagon yet again, I will blog about those moments as they are happening. That might be interesting.
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