Well.
It’s been a long while. But I’m still here.
Back in February, I started a full-time job as a long-term substitute teacher for a woman on an extended maternity leave. From my first moment back in the classroom, life really changed for me. For one thing, the regular teacher had apparently checked out mentally – she left me virtually nothing in the way of specific lesson plans. I ended up putting hours and hours of extra work into the job every day, creating the materials I needed and dealing with the never-ending stacks of papers to grade. In the end, though, I loved it. I fell in love with a bunch of middle schoolers who loved me in return. Parents actually called the principal’s office to request that I could stay in the position permanently. (I can’t – the regular teacher is very much planning on returning in the fall.
Plus…well, I’m not so sure I’d want a job that required so very much out of me.)
For awhile after starting that position, I’d come home from school in a semi-spaced-out stupor, exhausted, but I’d force myself to run anyway. Or work out on my elliptical machine. But then after awhile, it all got to be too much. My workouts grew more sporadic than they’d been in probably 5 years. I’d get one in on Monday, and maybe Thursday, if I was lucky. Most Saturdays I’d also exercise. But that 5-days-per-week faithfulness? Gone. Sadly. Just no energy left to do it.
Likewise, my eating habits weren’t the best. Oh, I was pretty religious about bringing my lunch to school, with good selections of fruits and veggies. But then all too often, I’d come home and we’d end up ordering pizza or getting Chili’s to go. I’d be both tired and so hungry that I’d eat way too much.
The upshot of all this is that I gained some weight. I’d been carefully maintaining around the high 150s, but sometime in October of last year, after our Disneyland trip, that number crept up to the low 160s. After starting my job and slacking off with my workouts, the number crept up a little higher. These days, I’m around the 167 range. Sadly, my “good” summer clothes from previous years don’t fit very well. I’m down to only a couple pairs of capris that are still even semi-comfortable.
School was out at the end of May, and over the past few weeks I’ve been struggling to get a handle on the fitness thing again. Honestly, it has NOT been easy. Crazed-Addict Fatgirl has fully resurrected herself. She has the most amazing way of taking control of my thoughts when I finally hit that “I’m desperately hungry because I’m starting to work off my fat reserves” point. And then I will cave to her lies and eat way too many chips or way too much pizza.
I’ve reconciled myself to the fact that I need to go back to food prison again to vanquish Crazed Addict Fatgirl. I need to weaken her hold on my thoughts.
I’ve made some effort this week, although Crazed Addict Fatgirl came around and took over on Wednesday and yesterday. But Sunday through Tuesday went well, and so did today. I’ve been able to work out more – although not quite as regularly as I was when I was really committed to weight loss – and I’m making more effort to restrain my portions. We ate at a restaurant on Sunday and I split an entree salad with my daughter. Half the salad was more than enough, and as I did that simple thing, it hit me that it’s really not that hard to eat sensible portions. I’m trying to capture that mindset again, where portion control becomes a simple habit and isn’t a huge burden.
So that’s where things stand. I’m working on taking off 5 or 7 pounds, so that I can wear my better summer clothes from previous years. And also because I really don’t want to hit the 170s again. Maintaining a healthy weight and a good level of fitness is a never-ending endeavor.
Here we go again.
Recent Comments