So.
Like I said in my last post, I’ve been having issues with restaurants and self-control. The old Crazed Addict Fatgirl who lives inside my head has resurrected herself with a vengeance. She inhabits my thoughts, whispering her lies about how this or that food won’t really hurt me. I find myself using food for entertainment much more than I had been, and although at first it barely seemed to hurt me, I’ve watched the scale numbers creep up just a bit.
Yesterday I wrote a post here, vowing to change and listing some reasons why I would like to take off 10 pounds. I committed myself to updating this blog (I don’t remember if I wrote that or not, but I was thinking it), and this morning I woke up actually looking forward to writing tonight’s post, in which I would detail just how I’d triumphed today.
But sometime this afternoon, Crazed Addict Fatgirl took possession of my brain again. Despite all those resolves of yesterday, I found myself suggesting picking up takeout from a very gluttonous hamburger place where the portions of French fries basically fill up half a brown lunch bag. My husband is an easy-going guy, and the kids perked up, all excited at the prospect of burgers and fries from this place. I had to take my husband to pick up his vehicle from the garage where it was being repaired, and I’d decided that after I dropped him off, I’d go to the burger joint and buy our dinner.
I was totally delusional as I thought about indulging in the food. It was the weirdest thing. My husband and I are big fans of the VH1 show, Celebrity Rehab With Dr. Drew. One of the reasons I like the show is because I believe it gives us such a window into the addict’s mind. The person in the throes of addiction is simply and utterly crazy – addicts delude themselves into believing that the substance they’re using won’t hurt them…that returning to the substance does not present any real problems…and they get the crazed gleam of exhilaration in their eyes when they threaten to leave rehab and go home.
I recognize more than a bit of that mindset in myself when it comes to food. When the idea to “use” takes hold, it’s like I become possessed by this weird giddy person who shrugs off all my resolves like they were nothing.
As I was driving to the burger place this afternoon, I could feel my giddiness rising. I was thinking all the same self-deceiving thoughts, too – “I’m skinny enough, this won’t hurt me, it’s early enough in the day that I will have digested this food before bed…”
As I drove into the parking lot of the shopping complex where the burger place is located, thoughts of this blog flitted through my mind. I was thinking, suddenly, of how I would conveniently “forget” to post an update today…how I would start again tomorrow and REALLY be committed…
And then it hit me how stupid it all was. I was no better than Heidi Fleiss on Celebrity Rehab, flipping out and fleeing back into the desert with her birds. I was possessed by the same crazed lying voice that makes an addict use again.
I called my husband right there in the car and asked him how committed he was to the idea of having burgers tonight. He said – easygoing guy that he is – that he really didn’t care one way or the other. He also said he’d break it to the kids. I actually drove through the shopping complex and out the other end, driving straight home.
I then got home and steamed some broccoli and had a Lean Cuisine.
My weight was 161.5 this morning. I didn’t do a “perfect” job of sticking with my food prison plan, but I didn’t do poorly, either. I know I did a heck of a lot better with what I ended up eating for dinner than if I would have gone ahead and had a double bacon cheeseburger and a gargantuan plate of French fries.
Hi Fitgirl4life.
I’m sad to say that I’ve gained about 10 pounds back out of the 30 I worked so hard to lose.
Honestly, I’m surprised I haven’t gained more. It started with Thanksgiving and went downhill from there. I’ve pretty much went back to all my poor eating habits and haven’t walked in months. My excuse has been the weather. It has been bitter cold here. (“Us” southerners aren’t accustomed to such weather.) I felt so good when I was walking an hour, 4 – 5 times a week. I hadn’t felt that good in YEARS. I vowed I would NEVER let myself become inactive again. And here I am.
Well, I’m going to get back at it! I plan to walk this weekend and start watching what I eat again. I dread pulling out my spring wardrobe and exposing all the weight I’ve gained. I don’t think I can bear it. I still had 40 – 50 pounds to lose in addition to the 30 I had lost. (Sigh)
I know I can do it. It’s just hard. Like you, my hubby and I eat out a lot. Gotta make better choices when we do.
BTW, those “put-together” private school moms don’t have ANYTHING on you.
Kindred
Kindred!
Aww, you’re so sweet to say that, about me and the private school moms. But I know how I feel when I get around ladies like that, and even IF it’s mostly in my own head, I’d still like to be at my best. You know? Ironically, if I were at my best, I would be able to practice a lot more self-forgetfulness.
And I’m working on it.
How are your own efforts going? Have you been walking like you said? Have you been making good choices? I wish you’d give us an update.
Well, I’m sad to say I didn’t do what I said I was going to do. I’ll do pretty good at breakfast and lunch, but then I majorly blow it at dinner. And I have absolutely no willpower to resist desserts right now. I’m really craving the carbs.
What is my problem?!?
Ugh
Okay ladies,
I need to lose about 10 pounds (would love to lose more) in 3 weeks.
What’s your suggestions?
Kindred
As of right now, I’m planning on doing the Atkins Diet.
I’m not a fan of Atkins, but I’m desperate. I have a big event in 3 weeks that I’d like to look nice for.
I can lose pretty fast on Atkins, but the disadvantage is, I will gain it right back when I come off of it. Not healthy. I also plan to walk an hour every day.
Oh, and I’d like suggestions for exercises to take inches off the belly area. That’s my main problem area…a HUGE problem area. My arms are the second largest problem area.
And they need to be “PRACTICAL” exercises. I’m not a young woman anymore.
Hey, Kindred -
You know, rather than Atkins, I’d actually suggest South Beach. It essentially follows the same principles as Atkins (high protein, low carbs) but makes distinctions between high and low-fat proteins. It also permits SOME carbs. The book had some great recipes, too, especially one for some sort of carb-free “chocolate mousse” that was made with low-fat ricotta cheese, cocoa powder, and Splenda. It was actually pretty good and satisfied my sweet tooth over those first few horrible days.
The good thing about South Beach, too, was that it did seem to take off belly fat first, just like the blurb on the cover said it did.
And…after the first two weeks (maybe 3), you go to a different phase of the diet where you start to add some “good carbs” in. So, you wouldn’t have to shoot yourself in the foot with the idea that you planned to jump off the wagon the moment your big event is over. You could look at this as the jump-start first phase of a long-term commitment to getting more fit and healthier.
Lol…we ARE kindred spirits!!
I’ve been on Atkins for 3 days and have felt HORRIBLE!!
I woke up this morning and decided to ditch Atkins and do South Beach. This was *BEFORE* I read your response.
Well, that’s confirmation!
Yum, the chocolate mousse sounds good. I’ll definitely need that. Gotta have chocolate!
Well, I can’t believe I’ve never tried South Beach before now. I’m having success (4 1/2 pounds in 5 days) and it’s pretty simple to follow. And you’re right – it appears the belly fat is the first to go (which is my main target area).
I feel so much better. Atkins was killing me. I felt so bad! Even though carbs from fruit and bread are restricted during the 2 week period in phase one, it’s still not been that bad. I can have lots of different veggies. Maybe it’s due to the fact that I started with Atkins and it was so horrible. I’m not following their menu plans, just eating from the food list they list for phase one.
I know it will get old, and I’ll start craving all those old “bad carbs” again, but for now I’m pretty stoked. The pounds don’t come off as rapidly when you go on phase 2, but that’s as it should be. I also know I’ll plateau and get discouraged at some point, but it’s helping me accomplish my goal which was to drop about 10 pounds in 2 and a half weeks for a big event.
Hope I can lose at least 5 more between now and then.