I didn’t exercise today, mostly because the morning seemed to get away from me and suddenly it was noon and I no longer had time to work out. Also, I was tired and somewhat distracted by work on other writing projects. And…well, I plain just didn’t feel like it. I worked out so hard yesterday that I honestly felt like I needed a day off to let my muscles recover.
But tomorrow I’ll pick it up again. I’m promising myself.
Foodwise, I did all right today, although I ate dinner early again (this time around 4:30) and once again found myself restless and hungry as we sat around watching TV. Luckily, though, I’d had the discipline to ask my husband to bring those giant bags of tortilla chips and the huge container of salsa to his office today. I’d mentioned it before, prior to last night’s small cave-in, but he forgot. After last night, I wasn’t taking any more chances. I put the bags of chips squarely in front of the door to the garage, so that he would practically have to stumble over them to get to his car this morning.
But – would you believe, I actually found myself asking him, with a slight feeling of irritation with myself, “Did you take those chips to work today?” I secretly hoped he’d forgotten again, and that somehow I just didn’t notice them in the laundry room all day (where the door to the garage is located), even though I did about 5 loads of laundry and would have to be suffering from some serious vision problems if those chips had been there and I’d managed to miss them. The thought of the salty chips and the great salsa suddenly sounded VERY good.
But, like I said, luckily I’d asked Hubby to take them away, and this morning he’d remembered. I only felt a slight sense of disappointment when he assured me that yes, he HAD brought the chips to work.
I do have to wonder, what is wrong with me? I’m loving the way I look and feel these days. Why would I want to start derailing myself, sabotaging my progress, when I still have more weight to lose? I’m really only a little more than halfway to my grand goal of weighing in the low 150s. I do NOT need to work on creating a habit of cheating “just a little” on a semi-daily basis like that! A couple of months ago when I was just getting started, I struggled through what felt like an uphill battle to learn some new habits that have helped me lose 20 pounds. Why would I want to allow that “a little bit of cheating won’t hurt me” attitude to creep in?
Truth is, I don’t want to do that! But it’s like there’s some contrary force doing battle with my thoughts. I find myself feeling a bit bored, once again looking to the familiar feelings of chowing down on tasty snacks for entertainment. Also, if I eat dinner a little too early, I will simply be hungry at night, which also weakens my resolve.
But perhaps the worst thing is if the food is in the house and easy to access. I don’t have a problem with a lot of the stuff that we have lurking around, but it tends to be stuff that’s out of immediate reach. For instance, there’s ice cream in the freezer. Doesn’t even enter my mind. Likewise the key lime pie that is left over from the weekend party (there’s a whole brand-new one in the freezer that could easily be thawed if I had a weak moment). But I would never go to that much trouble to cheat. I wouldn’t deliberately go and thaw a pie. I wouldn’t even deliberately go and scoop up ice cream for myself.
But I would “sneak” a couple handfuls of chips.
I think there’s something weird going on with feeling like foods that can be “snuck” somehow don’t count.
Thawing a pie so I could have a piece seems utterly ridiculous. But eating 280 calories worth of chips (about the same amount of calories as are in a small piece of key lime pie, according to the package) seems like a “small” transgression. I think it’s because with chips, you hardly can notice that a few handfuls are gone from the bag…and they’re RIGHT THERE (or at least they WERE right there, till I made sure my husband took them out of the house), whereas the pie or ice cream would require effort.
I think the lesson here is simply to not give myself avenues to “sneak.” As long as the fattening foods require some deliberate effort on my part, I won’t give in to them. But if they’re easy – as the cornbread muffin was on Saturday, right in front of me, in small pieces that “no one would notice” – then somehow I lie to myself and say that it won’t matter, a “little” cheating won’t hurt.
That’s a stupid mindset, and I don’t want to go with it. I want to maintain my progress…I want to reach my goal.
