I’ve hit a place in my thinking where it’s now a fun challenge to stick within my plan. As I mentioned, my family is in town, and they’re staying at my house. I was a bit concerned about how this was all going to play out, but two days into it, I’m finding that I want to make good choices. Today I went on an outing with my dad and my sister. We ended up at a Quiznos with a limited menu. I honestly wasn’t that hungry, and the thought of having a sandwich and chips sounded so leaden and heavy to me – just thinking about it made me tired. (I’ve found that I do NOT do well when I have a lot of bread in the middle of the day.)
So I looked at the options, and I chose a cup of chili instead. It wasn’t very good – there was only one gal working behind the counter, and because she was overwhelmed at having to do everything, I wasn’t too surprised when I saw her lackadaisically throw the chili in the microwave…or when it didn’t get very hot, but still cooked over and spilled on the outside of the cup…definitely NOT appetizing! I ate some of it anyway, even though it was merely lukewarm by the time we sat down. Then I had a small piece of my dad’s sandwich. I really hate Quiznos, by the way. Their sandwiches are all bread, with just a couple of paper-thin slices of meat.
So that was lunch. Now we’re probably going to go to Olive Garden for dinner. I’ve already decided that I’m going to have the soup and salad. I was hungry when we got home from our outing, so I fixed a plate of carrots, broccoli, and a little bit of ranch dressing for a snack. I’m really not that hungry now.
This morning I made a point to work out, even though I was in a rush and was only able to do 22 minutes on my eliptical. With the muscles I built up on the stair stepper, I’m finding that the eliptical is a lot more enjoyable, especially cranked up a few levels, to where I have to fight significant resistance.
I really am relishing this feeling of apathy about the entertainment value of my food. I think that is what I like the most – the fact that Crazed Addict Fatgirl’s mindset doesn’t have nearly as much power over me as it used to. I think it’s a matter of habit, for one thing. I believe that we develop cravings and tastes for the things we do the most often. Like, there was a time when I craved French fries every day and would have had a nearly impossible time passing them up. The more I ate fries, the more I craved them. At this point, I haven’t had more than one or two fries in several weeks, and I hardly ever think about them any more. Likewise sweets. I was so addicted to having some sort of dessert nearly every afternoon that I used to believe there’d be no way I was EVER going to give up that habit. But now, after not having sweets for a long time, I don’t even miss them. I find a handful of prunes or a Granny Smith apple just as satisfying with a cup of coffee.
Yesterday, too – I had to make dinner for my parents upon their arrival, and before they got here, I found myself really wishing that I could just have my usual Lean Cuisine. I’d been working hard all day on cleaning my house, and I hadn’t stopped much to eat. So I was really hungry. I looked at the clock and decided that I would just go ahead and fix my regular diet dinner earlier. I steamed some broccoli and threw a Lean Cuisine Chicken Fettucini in the microwave. It was very satisfying.
Later, after the family had arrived, it proved to be a good thing that I’d eaten earlier. My brother-in-law showed up and through a misunderstanding thought he was eating at my house too. I would have run out of food if I’d not already had dinner.
So that’s the way things have been going. I’m in that zone where I just want to continue to see progress. I genuinely want to do the right thing and find it practically a game to see how I can choose the least fattening options off of a menu.
I’m hoping this continues for the rest of my life. Knowing myself and my history, it’s hard to imagine that I won’t fall off the wagon at some point and go back to my old ways. But the new ways are so much more rewarding…and once I get past the first couple of weeks of thinking I’m being deprived, I start to find much more to appreciate about making good choices. For one thing, I’m loving that my clothes are fitting better. It was getting seriously discouraging to notice how all my favorite blouses weren’t staying buttoned. Now I’m wearing one of them, and I actually think it’s a little bit too big. What a great feeling.
